Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
