How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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