my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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