So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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