Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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