god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
