O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
