she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
