As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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