I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
