when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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