i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
