Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Randomize
