I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
