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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
