I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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