For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize