I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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