didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
