I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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