thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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