and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
