I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
