Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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