I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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