Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
