Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No subtext here. People are naked.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
