She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
