You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
