If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
