Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
