You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish I only lived at night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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