Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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