If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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