I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize