Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
