You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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