he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
time to smoke my breakfast
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
