We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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