Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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