Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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