Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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