i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
