i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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