Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
