shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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