there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
