no, he came in my armpit
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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