i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
