Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
