So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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