dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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