nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
