oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
