sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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