I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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