Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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