when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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