everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
