Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
