I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
