Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
