Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
