Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
