dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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