the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
NoShamevember. You game?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize