Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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