Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I need a beard to bite.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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