I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
