I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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