Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
