When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
