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This is not my ceiling
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
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