Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
