this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming