I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there