I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So much rum. So many feels.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.