I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like I smell like bad decisions