Whod you bang
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.