he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
