did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
