I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
