I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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