We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
