After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
