wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
