I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
