Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
