U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
