Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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