so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
