Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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