We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
