Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
